Doubt

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How could my readers love my work?... The worst part of it I quit writing.

My dream of writing a book started when I realized I had skills in writing essays. I had the mind set that I could write whatever topic people would throw at me. So I read newspapers and idolized the way the columnists construct their articles. And then I compared my writings to them… hmmm something was wrong. Theirs looked so precise and deep while mine was so simple and shallow. How could my readers love my work? And then I began to have a doubt regarding my writing skills. And more anxieties came into my mind. Lots of questions ran in my mind. I doubted myself every time I hold a pen. The worst part of it I quit writing. That was in high school by the way.

When I was in college things changed. I was exposed to different areas in life which helped me realized I was wrong when I quit my passion for writing. I began to write again and I learned to love my work and most of all I eschew away doubts in me.

People are prone to have doubts, that’s a fact. It is just natural having doubts but to live life shadowed by anxieties and questions brought by our doubts is something we need to overcome. Having doubts is negative in nature. It will only lead us to become pessimistic- living life within our comfort zone. Later we will feel afraid to make a step to move out. Worst is that, it will soon remove our confidence and our capabilities to make best decisions in our life. Our doubts can kill our dreams and the chance to achieve the best life intended for us.

When I read articles about successful leaders and businessmen, I never see the word doubt nor identify a sentence indicating that they experienced having doubts during their journey towards success. However, all of us will I agree that these triumphant men and women once doubted their own self. The only line that separates them to losers is that they never entertain their doubts.

Defeating doubts in our mind is not easy. Back in college, the only reason why I felt like a mediocre every time I compared my composition to the articles in broadsheets is the fact that they (columnists) tend to use highfaluting words and their topics cater to serious issues like politics and current events. As compared on my part I keep banking on the light-hearted topics about the daily experiences I encountered. I also used simple words to let my readers enjoy their time reading and quickly absorb the thought I would like to impart. I removed my doubts simply accepting this reality. Most of all I began to embrace the truth- that I have my own way of writing my essays.

In life in general, having doubts is inevitable. Doubts will come in our work, career, competition, family, relationships, business ventures and even in our faith in God. Still the only remedy is to search for the truth. And when we find that truth, believe in it; keep your trust in it. For only the truth shall set our minds free.

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The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.
It is the true source of all art and science.
- Albert Einstein

Last Sunday I had the chance to watch BIG STAN, Rob Schneider’s latest movie which he also produced and directed. I mentioned this because aside from sharing what transpired in my long-weekend that was brought about by the celebration of Ninoy Aquino’s Death Anniversary, it will bring us to the topic Pat & I chose for this week: DOUBT. In the movie Stan has to go to prison because of his fraudulent and deceptive businesses. He doubted his survival inside prison. He feared that big guys will try to rape him. He cried and bawled over the situation until he met The Master.

A particular scene in the movie:

Stan and his wife are having dinner with The Master. With an aura of wisdom and confidence The Master said,

“I find weakness and turn it to strength.
I find fat and turn it to muscle.
I find blister and turn it to canker sore.
I find doubt and turn it to will.”

Truth be told, The Master trained Stan to defend himself against the big guys inside prison. Stan became the little “bully” that each prisoner feared and respected. So actually doubt can be changed to certainty, then to confidence and eventually, to a strong will.

You know what? I think if we always have doubt, this can hinder our growth as individuals. We must not forget that life is a journey. At the end of our days we’re going to look back and ask ourselves, what are the things we have accomplished? What are the moments that we will cherish? And definitely the moments we will never forget are those moments that took our breath away- the moments that made our hearts race, the risks we took, the courage and the bravery that we showed. And all of these will never be achieved if we forever stay in our comfort zones.

I am not afraid to try new stuffs. This is the reason why I chose, without second thoughts, to work here in Manila with its fast paced lifestyle. Many provincianos say “Maraming magnanakaw, manloloko, holdaper, kidnaper, drug-pusher sa Maynila. Maraming basura at sobrang init ang panahon dun”. But I still took the risk. After passing the board exams, my friends and I immediately applied jobs here because there were more opportunities. Luckily, I found a job in a real-estate company in Pasig City. So I enjoyed my new-found freedom in this metropolis. I wanted to explore new places, but I was still vigilant and cautious. The only thing that does not set off my sense of “adventure” are the night out “gimiks”. I don’t want to drink, get drunk and meet random people at bars all throughout the night. I guess that’s just not my kind of fun.

Last Saturday, I went to one of our company’s projects, Chateau Valenzuela. It was my first time to go to Valenzuela City. I just rode a bus going there. A non air-conditioned bus to be precise. Mainit, mausok, matagal ang biyahe dahil sa traffic. But it was perfectly fine with me because along the way going to Valenzuela, the bus passed through Caloocan then Malabon. I had never been to those places yet. So for that day, I saw 3 new places. And I was alone. Solo. I had no fear or doubt. I just trusted that I’m going to arrive Valenzuela eventually, which I did. It may seem shallow, but to me, coming from Baguio City, exploring a new town is still exhilarating.

The unknown is where growth resides. Be the best person that you can be.

Postscript: Belated Happy Birthday Mom! Your love is one thing in the world that I will never doubt.

Delectable Finale:

There was a funny line we had back in college and it goes like this:

"If you are in doubt… press F1 for help. "

I thought this is just a humorous and non-sense saying but at some point it is true. When we are in doubt, our mind was clouded by questions and anxieties. We tend to lose a vivid view in making decisions. Always be reminded having doubt is normal, however, we need to overcome our doubt in order to avoid its negative effects. We need to find our way out and seek for help in finding the truth. As we find the truth, learn as well to trust our own selves.

Always seek for the truth and believe in our own capabilities.

I hope our article serves as F1 button to all.